My Life is a Cabaret

Aside from going to Yuk Yuk's about once a decade, I've rarely been lucky enough to see any really good, professional, live comedy - at least not any big name comedians. In a perfectly funny world, I'd get to see Chris Rock and Lisa Lampanelli on a double-bill down at the neighbourhood pub. Since that's about as likely as Celine Dion cutting her son's creepy hair, I had to settle for seeing one of my other favourite comedians, Kathy Griffin, on a solo-bill last Friday night at River Rock Casino.

But really, I wasn't settling at all. No siree. I had very firm suspicions that I would be "this close" to wetting my pants from laughter - turns out I was right. (Thanks, Depends.)

Kathy Griffin's show at River Rock was a little bit of brazilliant. First of all, she's one of the only honest entertainers out there today. In a star-packed universe of no-talent-famous-for-nothing's, Griffin is one of the rawest, funniest performers around today. Perhaps that explains why she won an Emmy award recently for her reality series, My Life on the D-List.

Griffin's hilarious schtick offers a behind-the-scenes look at the quirks and follies of other celebrities. Her act is basically the telling of her own encounters with other famous people. And she holds nothing back. Zip, zero, zilch. Nobody in Kathy Griffin's world is safe from her razor sharp observations and wit. If starlets and celebutantes were on an open plain in Africa, Kathy Griffin would be the cheetah/hyena/vulture rolled into one starving and lightning-quick predator.

She knows she's going straight to hell - she says so. In fact, Kathy Griffin says that her handbasket is decorated and ready to go... and she's looking forward to seeing some familiar faces upon arrival.

The show opened with her inflammatory take on the recent, copious media coverage of Marie Osmond who fainted on Dancing with the Stars. Kathy Griffin doesn't buy it for a second - she thinks the whole thing was faked for votes. Not exactly the behaviour you'd expect from a latter-day saint.

Griffin also told a side-splitter about Paris Hilton with whom she appeared on an award show. Hilton was being awarded for her well-known phrase "that's hot". Griffin hilariously impersonated Paris Hilton who allegedly had no clue how to exit the stage after receiving her award. With her palms facing up, she catwalked in circles unable to figure out how to get off the stage. Rolling in the aisles ensued.

She also told a story about Dr. Phil who apparently was sort of hitting on Jane Fonda during the taping of Larry King Live. Kathy Griffin says Dr. Phil is a real right-wing conservative. Well, if you know "Hanoi Jane" then you know she wouldn't have been too thrilled that someone of his alleged political stripes was actually touching her. So Jane Fonda told Dr. Phil that she had to go and return a phone call to Hugo Chavez.

And that's not all. Martha Stewart is said to employ three assistants who are forced to wear uniforms - khaki's, a salmon-colored shirt and a kerchief.

I'm left to assume at least one of those employees surely daydreams of tying said kerchief around the hoof of one of Martha's prize Friesians and the other end around Martha's neck.

Near the end of the show, Kathy Griffin told us in the audience that the previous night she had finally met one of her icons here in Vancouver - she was talking about Liza Minnelli. Right then, a spotlight pointed into the audience revealing who else? Liza herself! Right there, about half a dozen rows in front of ours, watching the show along with the rest of us. Liza stood up and waved at everyone. Surprisingly, she wasn't in the company of a man wearing more makeup than she.

After the show, Liza walked right past our seats. She still has that short, black, sort-of spiky hair and way too much eyeliner and mascara. She appears quite aged in person. Unfortunately, she stumbled on the top stair. I wondered if that was due to her recent hip replacement surgery (which she had) or to vodka (which she is known to have had… alot).

I got a picture of the back of her , but due to the slow shutter speed of my camera phone and her being in motion, it's a tad blurry:

I also got a picture inside the theatre as Kathy Griffin (pictured on stage) was announcing to everyone that Liza was there. If you look down from where Kathy is standing, you can see Liza in her seat under the spotlight...